A lot of people have commented that it looks like Lani the Carni is doing well and it is easy to come across in the virtual world as eternally positive and flourishing (both personally and in a business sense).
I know how it looks on the surface. I have turned a vision and a concept into reality and that reality is a beautiful and high quality clothing range. I have entered the children’s fashion world where I have literally no connection, no foundation and it seems like I have always been here.
I am a mum who gets to work from home and be at school pick up, drop off and do all of the dance runs while still running an amazing business.
I have been given the opportunity to travel to amazing places.
The reality behind it is underpinned by the fact that I am learning. I rarely get to bed before 1am, finding quality time with my family is a struggle and my house is a big giant mess (and I HATE messes 🤣). I also work around kids screaming and getting a solid block of uninterrupted work time that isn’t in the ungodly hours of the night time is a rarity.
Instagram and Facebook show none other than pretty pictures and my core values which indicate wholesome, happy, steady growth both personally and professionally. It also seems to ooze confidence like it is an overflowing pot of beer😜. And I recently discovered how disturbing that is.
Aside from the challenge of a new business, I have encountered an array of personal challenges this year (the universe has an art for impeccable timing right? 🤣) and I was having a day where I was just feeling completely depleted of my energy and any emotional resources.
I was at the supermarket when my phone buzzed (Instagram was calling) and I responded to a comment with this emoji 😂. I cannot for the life of me remember what the comment was but I do know that the comment was something I ordinarily would have found amusing. But as I inserted that laughing emoji, I felt empty. No joy – no connection to the emoji whatsoever.
As I pressed send, it clicked in my head how messed up that is – How I can project myself as joyful and elated at a time where I really just wanted to crawl into bed for a week. It just isn’t right. Which is why I felt compelled to speak truthfully here – this is for all those humans out there who are struggling personally and look at socials and feel they don’t measure up and their lives aren’t polished enough.
The truth is that I am often living in a paradox of two extremes; positive:negative, high:low, success:failure, energetic:exhausted and terrified:hopeful all at once as I cross this busy road and try not to look. My life is far from perfect. I am content, I am blessed but my days, my emotions and my circumstances vary like the regular human that I am.
To everyone like me, who are working through challenges, remember “New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings” (Lao Tzu)